Why We Eloped: How After 8 Years of Dating, We Made the Decision to Get Married 'Our Way'

Let me tell you about the best day of my life. Well, hopefully *OUR* lives - yes, I’m declaring it my husband’s best day ever without his consent, but I don’t think he’d argue with me.

After seven years and eleven months (to the day!) of dating, my husband and I officially tied the knot on February 15, 2024. We proclaimed our vows, said our ‘I do’s’ and began a new chapter as husband and wife in front of our wedding planner (and officiant), her colleague, our photographer, our twelve year old pug named Coco, and God. That. Was. It.And I’m going to tell you why it was the best day and more importantly best decision we ever made.

First, we have to rewind just a bit to bring you up to speed as to how we got here. How did we decide to get married in this non-traditional way? I will say, my husband and I have been non-traditional from the beginning of our relationship in March 2016. We met after months and months of coy flirtation in our apartment complex gym, immediately began dating, moved in together after just three months (!!!) of knowing each other, and the rest is history. So one could argue we were destined for a wedding befitting of our non-traditional path from the start.

In addition, by the time we were married we were both in our 30s, myself, 30, about to turn 31 in a few months time and my husband recently turned 32 at the beginning of the year. I know that may seem like a minute detail but it’s truly an integral part of our story. Being that we were a bit ‘older’ meant that we had both been to our fair share of weddings which ultimately influenced our own decision to wed in the way in which we did. Don’t get me wrong, weddings are beautiful celebrations of love and commitment in front of friends and family, however, there’s a lot more that goes on behind the scenes that not everyone is privy to. We’ve each been in weddings as well as attended them as guests and thus we are both very much privy to the added stress, disruptions in family dynamics, relationship dynamics, financial challenges, stress, and oh yeah, did I mention, STRESS involved in planning the traditional matrimony ceremony. Considering this was meant to be the happiest day of OUR lives, we jointly decided it wasn’t worth the added stress of planning a celebratory extravaganza for OTHERS, after all it was meant to be OUR wedding, wasn’t it?

Perhaps the last but certainly not the least important point I would like to touch on is regarding the financial burden surrounding a wedding. Being that Adam and I had been together for many years before we committed to each other as husband and wife, we grew weary of others questioning our intentions for marriage until eventually it faded into the background - perhaps after year four? I can’t quite remember. Friends stopped assuming that just because we were hopping on a plane and dashing off to a new destination on our travel bucket list it meant that we were getting engaged. I had friends who asked if I believed in marriage, if I desired marriage, and truth be told while I certainly believed in the commitment it wasn’t a massive priority to me. I come from a broken household and didn’t necessarily think that signing on a dotted line and placing rings on each other’s fingers solidified our relationship any more than what it already was. I knew from the start of our relationship that this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and hopefully some day create and raise a family with and whether holy matrimony was part of that journey or not wasn’t something I gave much thought or energy to. We were happy as life was and that’s what mattered. That’s what we prioritized.

But here I am getting very much off track. As you can probably tell by now, this is a topic - our wedding that is - of which I’m very passionate and will likely sway from the topic at hand throughout this post as I have numerous thoughts and limited space with which to share them.

Okay, so back to the topic at hand, money! When I was in my 20s and there was a piece of me that still clung to the Pinterest board wedding of my dreams, I knew that weddings weren’t cheap and I knew that the bride and groom’s families were traditionally expected to foot the bills for various wedding activities. At that point in time, Adam and I were in no position to foot the bill ourselves but I absolutely would have never DREAMED of asking either of our families to do so. So, with that, we simply didn’t. We decided to wait until we, as a couple, felt more comfortable footing the bill for our own wedding and then we would go from there.

Fast forward a few years following our attendance at many weddings and suddenly our viewpoint on the idea of our own ‘dream wedding’ had drastically changed. I still maintained my Wedding Pinterest board but had a harder time imagining myself walking down the aisle in a church, or outside, wherever it may be, surrounded by dozens or hundreds of our closest family and friends who would then proceed to critique and judge every little thing from our special day. I don’t care how kind or lovely your friends and family are, we ALL do it.

So on one Fall evening in 2023, over shared caesar salad, wine and pizzas, we decided to get married, but we decided to do it our way. We were at one of our favorite local pizza joints in Austin, Bufalina Due, Adam had just gotten up to go to the restroom and the thought struck me. ‘What if we just did it? What if we just got married and didn’t even worry about all the extra pomp and circumstance?’

Upon his return from the bathroom and after a courageous sip from my wine I shared my recent proclamation. ‘And what if we did it on February 15th of next year? My grandma and grandpa’s wedding anniversary? And what if it was just the two of us (and Coco of course) and then we spent our money on an amazing honeymoon instead of spending it on all the other nonsense??…’

Call it divine intervention or timing, a stroke of imagination or genius, whatever you call it, that my friends is how we decided we would elope on February 15, 2024, what would have been my grandparent’s 66th wedding anniversary and the day after one of my all-time favorite holidays, Valentine’s Day.

We just decided, together, as a couple the way in which we wanted to take this next step in our relationship. There was no dropping engagement hints for months, no pressure (not anymore at least) from friends and family (they didn’t even know at first!), no stress over having the perfect ring (or any ring for that matter!), no sleepless nights trying to plan the perfect, over-the-top proposal, it was just two partners deciding to get married over pizza and wine.

Now, while we decided to elope, I still wanted it to be a curated moment. I didn’t envision the two of us popping up in the local courthouse and going out to brunch after. No, I wanted it to be a beautiful, visual display of love that honored the two of us becoming husband and wife. That’s when the real work began...

Being the world travelers that we are, we initially had dreams of an international elopement. We’d gallivant off to Italy, get married in a beautiful villa somewhere and then continue traveling across Europe on a honeymoon. For weeks I researched and ultimately corresponded with a villa in Italy that proclaimed to host weddings of all sizes but once I revealed our guest list (the two of us) as well as our budget, our Italian villa elopement dreams came crashing down.

While on paper it seemed idyllic and dreamy, once I really honed in on the details - from the flowers to the photographer, flying a wedding dress abroad, the legality of getting married abroad - and everything in between, it seemed that our international elopement was perhaps a dream that was meant to remain just that. A dream.

So I pressed on. I’d spend afternoons Googling ‘elopements’ ‘elopement planners’ ‘small wedding planners’ ‘small weddings’ with little to no avail and certainly nothing in our current hometown, Austin, Texas. But I kept at it until one day I stumbled upon The Walk Down the Aisle and their listing for ‘Desert Popup Elopements + Tiny Weddings.’ I read on and immediately I knew I had found what I was looking for.

“Desert Pop Up @desertpopup as a way to help couples find and express their unique voice in a world of high guest counts, ballroom receptions, big band first dances, calligraphy everything, 20 person wedding parties and the traditional social media worthy weddings.  Instead, we believe -- not everything has to be the way that it is always done.  

You, your love, and the air and sky around us.” (thewalkdowntheaisle.com).

I submitted an inquiry form via their website, we were on the phone within weeks and got to planning our winter, Joshua Tree elopement.

At this point you may be asking yourself, ‘wait, Joshua Tree? Isn’t that in California? I thought you guys lived in Texas?’ To which I would respond yes, how very astute of you! A gold star for excellent listening (er - reading?) skills. While Joshua Tree was halfway across the country from us, it was nevertheless a very important and beloved destination for the two of us.

Adam and I met living in Los Angeles in 2016 and spent about four years there together. Anyone who’s lived in or familiar with Southern California knows that Palm Springs, Joshua Tree and the desert in general are popular getaway destinations for SoCal inhabitants. We frequented all of the above many times throughout our courtship and both shared a love for the romantic magic one can find only in the desert. Not to mention the fact that we’d be getting married in the winter time which lended itself to even greater magic and more importantly, moderate temperatures.

As you know by this point we also share a love of traveling, the great outdoors and our beautiful National Parks in the United States. Getting married in Joshua Tree felt like the perfect way to honor so many loves we shared between the two of us.

The ‘wedding planning’ commenced and the countdown was on. I will say, planning a wedding of this magnitude (or lack thereof?) presented its own unique challenges. For starters, we began the process perhaps six months out? Which for traditional weddings is at least six months too late but for a pop up wedding such as ours, it was perhaps a bit early. I’m grateful that we began the process when we did because another unique challenge we had to keep in mind was the date of our nuptials. We weren’t flexible on the February 15th date since it was an integral part of the celebration of our love by honoring my grandparents own love, however, as you likely realize, February 15th comes after February 14th which of course is a popular holiday not only in society but in the wedding industry as well. Therefore I was glad to have reached out to our planner when we did so we were able to secure the date and not have to worry about competing lovebirds hoping to marry on Valentine’s Day but settling for the day after.

Our desired date of course also affected our choice of flowers. It should come as no surprise that February 14th is one of the busiest days in the floral industry as well so if we wanted an opulent display of flowers at our ceremony we had to find a florist and get him/her booked ASAP! Luckily, neither of us were too keen on spending exorbitant amounts of money on flowers but planned on purchasing a dried floral arrangement for the bridal bouquet and boutonniere. Remove that from the list of items to stress about.

Throughout the planning process it felt like there were things I ‘should’ be doing or ‘could’ be doing to help progress the curation of our perfect day but there simply weren’t. Perhaps I can chalk it up to witnessing friends and loved ones trudging along in the throes of wedding planning, highlighting a task to complete day after day, week after week and so on, that made me feel as though something was missing. Surely I should be doing something for this wedding??? Shouldn’t I be stressing over SOMETHING??

Now don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of stressors along the way but I wouldn’t even begin to compare the stress we endured to that of someone planning a traditional wedding. But the perfectionist in me wanted everything to be just so. Yes, we were eloping, but it was still our special day and I wanted to do absolutely everything in my power to ensure that our day still felt celebratory, special and unlike anything anyone had ever seen before.

And I’m pleased to report, it was exactly that. Bringing us back to where this all started, our wedding day was beyond my wildest dreams. We showed up to our desert pop up ceremony and my jaw immediately dropped. I hadn’t seen photos or hints of any kind leading up to it but Trish, our planner, transformed a small patch of land in the middle of Joshua Tree National Park into the Pinterest board tiny wedding of my dreams. Of our dreams.

There’s so much more I want to share and say about our special day but this post alone has been a big hurdle for me. For whatever reason, sitting down and talking about our wedding has been this insurmountable hurdle in front of me for months and months. It’s felt like such a lofty and daunting task that I’ve kept my fingers far, FAR away from the keyboard and my mind occupied by just about anything else on my to-do list beyond this. Truth be told that’s how writing often is for me…

Alas I digress (once again)…

Now I feel like I’ve overcome this initial hurdle and the floodgates are officially opened. For better or worse! (Pun intended). I hope you want more wedding content because that’s exactly what you’re about to get!

Comment down below or feel free to reach out to me directly via email (caseyk@almostfabulousme.com) or Instagram (@almostfabme) if you have any additional questions about our tiny wedding. I plan on addressing some FAQs in an upcoming post and would love to include any questions you may have!

Until then!